Last night as I prepared their lunch boxes the boys ran laps around the house, chasing each other, their yells and laughter smacking my husband and I like cresting waves. The enforcer in me wanted to shout, "Stop running through the house!" but earlier that afternoon they had behaved beautifully at a very grown up wedding. They deserved a pass. It was their last day of vacation and they were having fun.
Today they went back to school. Among us there were several milestones - the eldest started middle school, the youngest kindergarten and I started a full-time empty house during school hours. No more preschool pick up or drop off or days with the youngest at home. The boys all walk to the same bus stop in the morning and return from same in the afternoon. I no longer drive anyone to school and my day can start at 9am. The result is that I effectively gain an hour every weekday. And the silence!
You would think I would have celebrated this freedom but, after a trip to the dentist, I spent the day cleaning the house. I wiped their footprints, fingerprints and, yes, boogers(!!) off the walls, erasing proof of their existence while thinking about how I'll miss the relaxed interactions of summer. It is easy to lose touch with them during the school year when I'm barking "Finish your homework!" and "We leave for karate in 10 minutes!" instead of listening. This summer I saw who they are and who they may become. In their absence I thought that as I shape and guide them we are partners practicing a long dance of letting go.
