Welcome to Satirical Spectator's NanoView, where what's important isn't always apparent. I would like to thank today's guest, PepExec, for taking a moment to speak with me about power restoration efforts in Montgomery County, MD after the June 29th derecho.SS: What do you say to residents who are still without power?
PepExec: Buy a generator! <snort> Sorry. <clears throat> This was an unusually strong storm. We're having difficulty getting to equipment due to the number of downed trees. Could take months.
SS: Months?
PepExec: Mumps. Excessive heat causes mumps! So find a cooling center, check on the elderly and whatnot.
SS: Would you comment on how, because out of state utility crews are called in so frequently, they now qualify for Maryland residency?
PepExec: Montgomery County has so much to offer, and when our schools have power, they're the best in the nation. Residents moving to the area increase our tax base and, wait for it, shareholder profit! <beams> That was my idea.
SS: So you're not working on reliability issues?
PepExec: What's more important, reliability or the economy? What do people without power do? Go to the movies! Go out to eat! Why, at Potbelly this weekend, they were so busy they told me what was no longer available before I placed my order. There's sure to be a run on tomatoes and helping American farmers is great PR.
SS: Your website states that you're working with the Maryland Public Service Commission to help the state meet energy reduction goals.
PepExec: What's more important, reliability or the economy? What do people without power do? Go to the movies! Go out to eat! Why, at Potbelly this weekend, they were so busy they told me what was no longer available before I placed my order. There's sure to be a run on tomatoes and helping American farmers is great PR.
SS: Your website states that you're working with the Maryland Public Service Commission to help the state meet energy reduction goals.
PepExec: Yes, we're proud of our efforts. And when our customers don't have power it's easy to meet our goals. We'd save even more energy if they'd stop calling. They'd feel cooler, too.
SS: Pepco received $68 million in federal stimulus grants to install Smart Meters on homes. If Smart Meters detect and report outages why were the outage maps so inaccurate?
PepExec: Our grant writers are top notch! Not sure what a Smart Meter is but we've never seen a dollar we didn't like. Are we done? My jet is waiting. <points at SS> Word, energy reduction!
